its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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