feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
