well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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