I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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