stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
