ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
