There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
