I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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