a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
