Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
