It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
