Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
