I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
