Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
