We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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