Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
