I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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