i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
