shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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