I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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