he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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