I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
