Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
