go do what you do best...puke behind churches
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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