You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize