Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
