one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
