nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk is not a location!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
