You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
