You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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