is wine microwaveable?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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