I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
These tits shall not be calmed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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