I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
