it's too hot outside to masturbate.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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