I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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