I want to stick my p in your. b.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
