WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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