i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
