How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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