well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
