Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
