Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
