I feel great
I just peed on a car
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
