I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.