apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.