i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten