we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win