did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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