i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize