Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Randomize
