i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
