ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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