I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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