You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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