drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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