The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
