Jerry, you need to find god
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize