she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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