Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
