It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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