I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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