I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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