i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
