just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
