That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
